not invited

lord of dumb and blind 
at my door in disguise 
you’ve been by too many times 
to catch me by surprise

i know your knock
i know your smile 
i know your pitch 
i know you’ll have my eyes and tongue again

but today you’ll have to 
break down the fucking door
and best me to remove them
and don’t leave without my head this time 

wrong place wrong time

i used to lament how
people just throw themselves around
and i still do, but also now 
a war whoop rises 
out my scored throat

and when they throw
their bloated bodies onto me
they’re going to receive the brunt
of a long-brewing vengeance 
undeserved 

you never can tell
the price of carelessness 

optometry

relief to find
you are the eye
that will never 
have to see itself

flush in warm socket
as you are meant 
capillaries and too-wide pupils
left on their surface outside
to be sized up
by another

waste time guessing in dreams 
or let the sky do it’s seeing
and keep to yours 

dumb cloud

as a break in the clouds
reveals the great heart 
of our neighborhood
warms each of these selves
straight through the center 

in a march breeze, skin aglow
and perfectly relieved 
of the duty to know 

so a glimpse of liberation
is fully, then recedes
behind the silent cloud
that cannot know 
the veil it throws 
between the sun 
and its children

extra guy

i’ve seen plenty pink 6pm skies

backlighting brick facades 

west texas, hartford connecticut 

unionville to the grand union

the winooski or the farmington

brazos or potomac 

laughing river neath my feet

while i stood and watched 
on bridge suspended

as though i belonged above in town 

plenty, too many last moments

nothing left to do

gone in the cloud

but bound to the ground

remaining, resigned to play that extra guy

when we all knew 

it was just game over

in candlelight

ease is i suppose
the supreme way of being
with least necessary contact
and lightest possible touch 
everything unlocks

mysterious foreign ways
of delicate objects, of bodies

the gritty ancient levers
of an antique lighter
cleaned and restored 
so quiet and soft
to its intended click

grain of meat
see the spiraling seam of fat
dividing the breast
tug gentle and watch it split perfect 

so i will, for you and me
dismantle this sin 
of force uncalled for
ignore the questions 
asked not by your skin, muscles and voice 

a special hound

find the slightest issue
sniff a whiff of wrong
and hit that trail as a hound
blood in the eyes
mind the simplest kind of machine
one purpose: rectify

well one day this hound 
caught a scent
and the fire of hunt 
flipped on too hard 
and burned his world away

so quickly, so completely
that the frenzy of kill was gone
his master’s voice was gone
and he saw the cool swimming pond
at the end of the other trail
and began to trot away

sum dum goy

we had the sweetest dinner
chicken thighs with candlelight, segovia 
rice, carrots, hall and oates 
a father and a son
a mother and a daughter
all four as dear friends in ease

after tea and mancala came the fortune cookies
individually wrapped
in the junk drawer since god knows when
but by the taking now made new 

you three had prescient messages
i’d chosen the middle of them from your hand
removed the plastic and could see right away
through it’s cracked center
there was no fortune
no way you all said so i crushed it in my palm
to reveal emptiness

i might know everything
i might be dead already
i might be granted permission 
to compose the advice i'll heed 
or probably there was a skip on the machine 

spirit of 85

go to find the bathroom
when i pick dad up from work
long angled halls 
of this industrial complex
much older than me
stacked with pallets and metal

the john shares a hall with jazzercise 
directional signs posted along the way
maybe original prints from the heyday
i wonder if i’ll see
an instant before i do indeed
foxy fit women in spandex
electric from exertion 

and the call from my pre-adolescent
sensual base brain
is audible
rock ‘n’ roll, curves 
dim light and concrete
neon and sweat 
cheap worn with class 
vivid stills filed
from the best 80’s movies

we like what we like i guess
not hard to retrace
not easy to own

rock all my babies to sleep

these days 
when i give myself a break for a few
i see that my life is a mobile
these moments, these loves
the glow of the snowy dawn hill 
the glare of the blade in afternoon woods
the filthy orange floor boards 
the buzzing speakers and gleaming glasses
her eyes closed so lightly
neck a smooth soft sapling trunk at my fingers 
the others holding the > of her waist
maroon under the candle 

these all hang silent 
swing so gentle
against the house-breeze of my warm room

i’d been beneath in the cradle
but now i hold the mobile from above 
guiding the pieces in their dance
with the slightest tilt of the base 

yes, i’m up on one foot 
stepladder trembling
and who, you ask, is the baby
but my balance is strong
these muscles i’ve never felt
surprise me with their endurance like
they’ve always waited for this task

hail hail

rock and roll is a messiah
lives have been saved by it
backbeat the set of single footprints
feedback a din of choral voices to hold
the whole week through til sabbath
each song a prayer, always there
to see you through dark times 
when demons of normalcy
seem to have won your very soul

phrasebook

- for Dolores -

among the ranks of the feelers
who lived so precariously
the next moment bringing always death
given voice through which
the living vision could be frozen
not frozen in the hell colds 
of these blank white mountains
more halted, in a manner 
unseen elsewhere in the universe

to use this voice recieved at birth
a language must be acquired
through i guess some exact 
convergence of circumstance
transmitted unspoken as the dharma
god knows how

i’m just told Dolores died 
no idea how yet
but i’d say a safe bet 
related to her language 

but see these ranks
open your eye like bran
honor them as forebears 
and need never be alone again

practice your phrases
choose a moment right
and you may halt it
hold it glowing in your hands 
above your head and those 
of your neighbors
plain to see 
for any who raise their eyes 

aerobatics box

put your arms out like you’re gonna fly she’d say
and straighten the shoulders of my little sleeves just so
i recalled today as i did that
the meticulous personal care
without fanfare, she showed me 
without explanation
just a way to be

i did straighten up my sleeves
and i did fly
unbound from the ground
sailed between then cut right through 
clouds of condensed dream vapor 
hers, mine, my parents', my siblings', my first love's, my best friend's
milo aukerman's, bob dylan's, r. crumb's, herman hesse's

she worked on planes at pratt & whitney for decades
second or third shifts i think
hands hammered into leathery keepers
of home and meal for her two little people

these planes we build
to sail all up and around
like bill at MVL
loop-dee-loop through your patch of sky
every afternoon in the season
just cause why wouldn't you
then carefully polish your old Pitts
snug the cover and put her away until tomorrow 

come contender

some ignorants 
and less-than-harmless marauders
evidently doubt whether i have 
the fire of hell in my belly and hand

i continue to step steady
through the corrosive cold
and my pace will not waiver 
as bellflowers in my throat 
begin to wither unspoken
as scalding tears freeze on my cheek mid-stream 
as my knees grind bone on bone 
my pace will not waiver 

so i welcome the contender 
the smirking thug
who respects not love, death, bliss or pain
to ask me about the fire 
so i may answer with my frozen-hot fist
and he will never look the same 
or see the same again

no added sugar

in a doctors office before noon
with only white noise of central air
soft click-clack of typing at the desk
across the waiting room
4-year-old angel whispers to mom 
mom calls her jasmine

those two angels of your own
back behind the doors 
talking to the healer 
about what peace and healing
there is to be had

in this place you can know 
as you ease into a slouch
not of disregard but of, well, ease
that after the privilege 
of plugging in your device
slowly folding your scarf
at last assessing the contents of your satchel
you can weep if you must 
rest your hands 
be only here
and add absolutely nothing

clue

i’ve begun to learn to close the gap
between my ailments
and my remedies
my needs and my meeters
my delusions and my pills
my castle and my blueprints
let me do it in my own time

i wail as i spin around belligerent 
to answer the prodding voice behind
which appears to have come from
an outline of a dead man’s corpse
on the floor of this unfamiliar study
they say is mine

instructions: crane riding

in a reverie
with a breath
press mind into a sheet
at each turn of memory, make a crease
fold reminiscence back in toward here

with a breath 
build a crane of yesterday
look out over now, mount the bird
sail into the evening 

the lability shuffle

gonna turn my rabid growl
into a miss piggy impression

salt this bland white fish
with my ample tears

form my scorching lower back
into a prod to belly-laugh maniacal

gon make like the supergroups
and take my wank to the bank

lability she says
a light touch i'd call it

mae

in dropping my shoulders
in gathering my breath
steeling myself
against the cold wind of this world

my mind presents your face
hard, quiet in warm morality
loving in its fortitude

at the sight i almost break down
but that would be opposed
to the whole notion

i think i barely know
how much of you is in me
i think it’s a lot and i thank you 
for each ounce

you haven’t been gone a decade
but you might barely recognize
our country, our race

this shit was afoot though in your last years
and you went on
driving, chatting, nurturing
attending things
the life show

into the cold wind of the world
scarved by the grace
these hard times gave you